For Couples: The Secret to Staying Close When Everything Around You Is Changing

Written By Kelsey Garcia

Jamaine Leverett, MA, AMFT

There is a certain kind of silence that can creep into a marriage. Not the peaceful kind—but the kind that feels like distance.

You pass each other in the hallway, exchange updates about bills or schedules, and keep moving… yet underneath, you are both wondering if you are still on the same page, still wanted, still known.

This distance rarely appears overnight. It grows in the middle of change.

Life transitions—whether they are exciting, terrifying, chosen, or uninvited—can shift the ground beneath your relationship. Marriage is not static; it is alive. And when life changes, your marriage changes too. The challenge is not avoiding transitions. It is learning how to move through them without losing each other along the way.

Some transitions feel like joy wrapped in chaos: moving in together for the first time, welcoming a baby, starting a new career. Others come quietly, like children leaving home or stepping into retirement. And some arrive like a storm you never saw coming—financial stress, illness, the death of a loved one. Each of these moments stirs up both practical adjustments and deep emotional currents. You may find yourselves navigating new routines, altered roles, or unexpected fears.

It is in these seasons that couples often drift without realizing it. The stress of change can trigger protective patterns—pulling away, shutting down, or clinging tighter than the other can handle. You may stop sharing the vulnerable parts of what you feel, because you are afraid your spouse will not understand. Or you may start focusing only on logistics—budgets, schedules, to-do lists—because those are easier to talk about than fear, grief, or uncertainty. Over time, the emotional bond that once felt effortless begins to feel distant.

Yet I have also seen transitions become turning points for greater intimacy.

The difference is not in the transition itself—it is in how you respond to each other during it. When partners make space for honest conversation about what the change means to them, when they stay responsive to each other’s emotional needs, when they fight for connection instead of comfort zones, transitions can deepen trust and closeness.

That might look like a couple who, after moving in together, creates a shared morning ritual that says, “We start the day as a team” (Giolitti-Wright, 2025). It might be the spouse who is navigating a career change and finds in their partner not just practical support, but the reassurance, “I believe in you, even when you doubt yourself” (Petriglieri, 2019; Berger, 2023). It might be the parents of a newborn who discover that ten minutes of eye contact during nap time can anchor them in the middle of exhaustion (Dalgleish, 2021). Or it might be the couple facing a health crisis, who intentionally set aside moments to talk about something—anything—other than the illness, so they remember they are more than caregivers and patients (Kalb, 2020).

Every transition asks the same questions of your marriage:

  • Will you talk about the deeper emotions, or just the surface changes?

  • Will you turn toward each other when it is hard, or will you retreat into yourselves?

  • Will you make space for each other’s differences in how you process change, or will you take them as rejection?

The couples who thrive in change are not the ones who avoid conflict or crisis. They are the ones who keep choosing each other in the middle of it.

“The couples who thrive in change are not the ones who avoid conflict or crisis. They are the ones who keep choosing each other in the middle of it.”
— Jamaine Leverett, AMFT
 

How to Stay Close Through Transitions

  1. Name the Season You Are In. Saying, “We are in a big change right now” creates shared awareness. Naming the emotions—fear, excitement, grief, hope—creates shared humanity.

  1. Protect Your “Us” Time. Even 10–15 minutes of intentional connection a day can keep you emotionally tethered. No screens. No multitasking. Just presence.

  2. Respond When Your Spouse Reaches Out. Emotional connection grows when partners know their bids for attention—whether a question, a sigh, or a gentle touch—will be met with warmth, not dismissal.

  3. Create Shared Goals. Whether it is surviving the next three months, paying off debt, or planning a trip, working toward something together fosters unity.

  4. Allow Each Other to Grieve and Adapt Differently. You may not process change at the same pace or in the same way. Respect each other’s rhythms while staying emotionally available.

No matter what transition you are in—whether it is a milestone you have long anticipated or a hardship you never imagined—the real work is not just in adjusting your schedules or circumstances. It is in choosing to see, hear, and hold each other through it.

Because connection is not something that simply survives change. It is something you build in the middle of it. Again and again.

If you want to strengthen your connection with your partner but you don’t know where to start, couples therapy might be right for you. Jamaine is currently accepting new couples. Contact Wellspring today for a free consultation.

Kelsey Garcia
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You May Be Stuck But You Don’t Have To Stay There